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  #1  
Old 01-16-2008, 02:12 AM
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Default Photography Jokes

Todd's thread about photographers changing light bulbs got me wondering, does anyone know any good photography jokes? I know the one about the photographer that gets invited over for dinner:

So, this photographer gets invited to a friends house for a dinner party. He brings a some new photographs with him to show his host. The host looks at the photographs and exclaims, "These are wonderful! You must have a very good camera." The photographer says thank you and the evening continues.

After dinner, the photographer turns to his host and remarks, "The food was wonderful, you must own some very good pots and pans."
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  #2  
Old 01-16-2008, 09:27 AM
Valerij Valerij is offline
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Why DaVinci painted Mona Lisa ?
Because he didnít have a camera to shoot her.
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  #3  
Old 01-16-2008, 06:48 PM
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I don't know any jokes. My problem is I can never remember them so, I couldn't tell a joke right if my life depended on it, lol. I found this one on another photo site.
Barbara

Baby Photographer


The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"


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Old 01-16-2008, 10:05 PM
Suzanne Suzanne is offline
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And then there's the old cliche one:

"Old photographers never die, they just fade away."

I know, I know. Sorry about that!
Suzanne
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  #5  
Old 01-17-2008, 12:34 PM
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In the maternity hospital a father of a newly born child is busy photographing his offspring. His furious activity attracts attention of a nurse. Is that your first baby - she asks compassionately. No Ė was the answer Ė my third, but itís my first camera.
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Old 01-17-2008, 03:00 PM
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The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low-level passes."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
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Old 01-18-2008, 06:48 AM
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If your photo album is thin and has only one photo and of a mediocre quality it is... a passport
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  #8  
Old 02-10-2008, 05:54 PM
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A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "You are a beautiful woman, would you like to sit for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

Fred
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  #9  
Old 02-11-2008, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chaud View Post
A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "You are a beautiful woman, would you like to sit for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

Fred
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Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -- Albert Einstein

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. - - Norman Vincent Peale
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  #10  
Old 03-14-2008, 07:44 PM
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Default New Element Discovered

This is NOT a photography joke but I thought I would add it here anyway.

The recent hurricanes, gasoline issues, and other
recent situations are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution
has recently announced the discovery in 2007 of the
heaviest element yet known to science named
Governmentium.

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction
that would normally take less than a second to take
over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it
does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In
fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase
over time, since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some
scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as
critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium -- an element which radiates just as
much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.
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